Confidentiality in adoption has been the
norm in this country since the 1930's. Traditionally,
it has been perceived as beneficial to all
sides of the adoption triad—the adoptive
parents, the adoptee, and the birthparents.
Adoption agencies have supported the policy
of confidentiality, and as a result the practice
of concealment is almost universal in the
United States. Hawaii and Kansas are the only
States that allow adult adoptees complete
access to their birth and adoption information.
More recently, there has been more discussion
about this issue. In years past, it was almost
unheard of for adult adoptees to search for
their birthparents, and for birthparents to
search for the children they placed for adoption.
However, in recent years, searching for birth
relatives has become more frequent.
Self-help search organizations such as the
Adoptee
Liberty Movement Association (ALMA) promote
adoptees' rights to search for their birthparents,
and birthparent support groups such as Concerned
United Birthparents (CUB) encourage their
members to search for their birth children
if they so desire. The American
Adoption Congress (AAC) is another organization
that advocates for access to adoption information
for all parties to an adoption who are at
least 18 years old. These groups also support
a policy of openness in current adoption practice.
This means that at the time of an adoption
birthparents and adoptive parents would share
information directly or indirectly and possibly
meet face-to-face. They could even agree to
have some degree of ongoing contact over time.
Advocates for unsealing adoption records
argue that sealed records allow adoptive parents
the opportunity to deny the adoption and inhibit
the birthparents' mourning of their loss.
Proponents of sealed record adoption purport
that confidentiality facilitates the uninterrupted
bonding between children and their adoptive
parents. Confidentiality is also thought to
protect birthparents from later intrusion
into their lives by the child and to allow
them to "put the past behind them" and to
"go on with their lives." A traditional closed
adoption alleviates the adoptive parents'
apprehension that the birthparents may one
day reappear to try to claim their child,
and thus possibly cause confusion and turmoil
for the child.
While controversy in the adoption community
regarding access to birth records continues,
adult adoptees and birthparents are taking
matters into their own hands. Many of them
wish to search for their birth relatives,
and articulate various reasons for wanting
to do so. If you are a birthparent, adoptee,
adoptive parent, birth or adopted sibling,
or anyone with a close connection to someone
in these categories, the following reasons
for wanting to search for birth relatives
may sound familiar to you.
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Why People Search
For some, the interest in searching is a
matter of intense curiosity. They seek a sense
of connection to someone of similar genetic
makeup. They want to know if their birth relatives
look like they do, speak as they do, or demonstrate
similar gestures or body language. They want
to know if they share similar characteristics
such as a dry sense of humor, athletic or
musical abilities, or an outgoing personality.
For others, searching is important for their
emotional development. Some adoptees have
a desire to know and understand why their
birthparents made an adoption plan for them.
They want to know if their birthparents ever
regretted their decision or missed them. Birthparents,
on the other hand, wish to tell their birth
children the reasons and circumstances for
placing them for adoption. Birthparents also
wonder if the adoptive parents treated their
child well, and if the child has been happy.
A third reason that adoptees and birthparents
search is one that has engendered a lot of
activity in the past few years — to share
medical and genetic information. Both the
National Academy of Sciences and the University
of Maryland School of Social Work have recently
held conferences on this topic. The conferences
covered topics that included how to gather,
store, and transmit genetic information in
ways that would be beneficial to all parties.
In many States, this reason is the only one
that judges believe justifies the opening
of sealed adoption records, and for which
they will issue a court order to do so.
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Ways to Get Help
Literature
Literature is growing on the adoptee and
birth relative search movement. Many helpful
books and articles have been written on the
subject by adoptees, adoptive parents, birthparents,
birth and adoptive siblings, and professionals
who work with them. If you are considering
undertaking a search, familiarize yourself
with this literature and gather all the helpful
information you can. A bibliography of useful
articles and books compiled by the National
Adoption Information Clearinghouse (NAIC)
is provided at the end of this article.
In addition to these resources, a more complete
list of relevant articles, including those
most recently received by NAIC, may be requested.
The articles address specific areas related
to searching for birth relatives. An NAIC
information specialist can help you determine
your specific areas of interest.
Support Groups
People who have searched advise new searchers
to begin the process with a realistic rather
than an overly optimistic or pessimistic attitude.
Searchers should be prepared for either positive
or negative outcomes. As a prospective searcher,
you should also be connected to a supportive
individual or group with which to ventilate
your feelings before, during, and after the
search. The supportive individual might be
a spouse, friend, or professional counselor.
The supportive group might be a local or national
self- help group that has been formed expressly
for adoptees and/or birth relatives.
Support groups do not only provide emotional
support. Members of these groups may also
have helpful hints for you as to how to go
about the search process. Hearing about another
person's successful efforts would certainly
provide encouragement for you as you consider
the possibility of searching. The national
groups are listed at the end of this article.
For referrals to groups in your State or the
State in which the adoption took place, contact
NAIC.
Adoption Agencies and Social Service Departments
If you know the name of the agency through
which your adoption was arranged, start your
search by contacting the agency directly.
If you do not know the name of the agency,
the adoption division of your State or county
department of social services might be able
to help you. That agency can also tell you
about the laws governing disclosure of adoption
information in your State.
These laws vary from State to State, and
sometimes change, as new legislation gets
enacted. Within the last few years, new legislation
has been introduced in several States, and
it is likely that other States will be enacting
legislation in the future. Some national adoption
groups are deeply involved in the effort to
get legislation enacted allowing all adult
members of the adoption triad access to adoption
and birth information. The legislation generally
is concerned with the type of information
that can be revealed, the age and specific
relationship to the adoption proceedings of
the person requesting the information, and
the procedures to be followed in obtaining
the information.
In some States, it is possible to obtain
birth data by contacting the Bureau of Vital
Statistics. In a few States, a request for
information can be made directly to the probate
court in which the adoption proceedings were
filed.
Registries
Some adoptees and birth relatives may not
wish to undertake an active search for their
relatives but are willing to be contacted
if their relatives are looking for them. Mutual
consent registries that match identifying
information of adoptees and birthparents have
been established in many States and by some
national organizations. You provide your identifying
information, current address, and telephone
number to the registry. If anyone is looking
for someone whose information matches yours,
the staff of the registry put you together.
In some States in which records are unconditionally
sealed, these mutual consent registries are
one of the only avenues open to you. However,
some adoption organizations have found these
registries not to be very effective. The national
registries are listed below with the other
national organizations. You can contact NAIC
to find out if your State has a state registry.
Search Consultants
Professional search consultants are individuals
who have made searching for missing people,
and specifically, searching for adoptees or
birth relatives, their specialty. They charge
fees for their services. It would be important
if you hire one to check his or her credentials
thoroughly and ask for references from former
clients. Before you hand over a retainer fee,
you want to be sure that you are dealing with
a reputable person.
Computer Networks
The latest computer technology is now also
being used by those who are searching. Many
of the commercially available online services
have adoption forums or mailing lists. They
may have forums for general discussion on
adoption, as well as specific areas for adoptees,
birthparents, or adoptive parents. Some contacts
for these are listed at the end of this article.
Note: For those for whom the Internet information
is a foreign language, either find a friend
who knows about it to help you, or contact
one of the other services for help in entering
this route of the information superhighway.
[back to top]
What's the Next Step?
Once you gather background information and
get help from all these sources, you may still
be left searching on your own. What's the
next step? If you are an adoptee, you might
want to talk to your adoptive parents and
other relatives who may remember details that
would help you to put the pieces together.
You will want to be tactful in the way you
phrase your questions. Birthparents might
discuss possibilities with individuals who
were confidants at the time of the adoption.
You will have to think creatively and not
necessarily logically to come up with appropriate
strategies for your search.
Birth, death, marriage, divorce, school,
church, genealogy, health, military, and property
records can be useful, so use them. Newspaper
articles and classified ads in personal columns
may also be helpful. Some search organizations
publish newsletters or magazines with personal
columns as well. Keep accurate notes throughout
the process. You never know which seemingly
insignificant detail, when added with another
one, will be the breakthrough clue for you.
For instance, one adult adoptee was able
to find out which high school her birthmother
attended. She then located the yearbooks for
that school for her birth year and the years
before and after her birth. She pored over
the photographs of all the students until
she zeroed in on the one she felt was her
birthmother. She was correct!
[back to top]
How Many People Search?
One source states that more than 60,000 Americans
are searching for birthparents or children
from whom they were separated as a result
of adoption. Another source states that only
1 to 2 percent of adoptees search for their
birthparents, while still another source states
that 10 to 15 percent of adoptees engage in
an active search. It is difficult to obtain
an accurate assessment of the number of searchers
in the United States and, of that number,
how many actually locate their relative and
establish contact. It is known that more female
adoptees search for their birthparents than
males do, and that usually it is the birthmother
for whom they search first, especially if
they were adopted as an infant. The growing
numbers of search organizations indicate that
more people are interested in searching than
ever before. The NAIC certainly receives many
inquiries on the subject, which is why this
factsheet was developed. The important point
is, if you feel a search is the right thing
for you to do, you should do it. Furthermore,
if you need help, it is available for you.
[back to top]
How Long Will a Search
Take?
There is no pat answer to the question of
how long a search will take. It will depend
on the availability of reliable sources of
information, the laws in the State in which
the adoption took place, the amount of help
and resources you have, and various other
factors. Again, if it turns into a long and
difficult process, you will be glad you have
your support network ready to see you through
it.
[back to top]
Some Things to Think
About
If you decide to conduct a search for a birth
relative, you are sure to experience many
different emotions. Fear, guilt, anger, anxiety,
and exhilaration all may play a part. The
phase of life you are in at the time of the
search may be an important factor, too, especially
if you have recently experienced a major life
event such as a marriage, divorce, birth,
or death. You may change your mind about your
decision to search more than once, or do some
work on the search for a while and then suddenly
stop. This is understandable and quite normal.
You might want to give some thought to or
discuss with your support network what might
occur or what you would like to occur if your
search is successful. Do you intend to have
an ongoing relationship with the person you
find, as much as time, distance, and resources
allow? Do you want the person you find to
meet the people who are significant in your
life at the present time? Do you want to meet
the people who are significant to the person
you find? How might your finding each other
affect them? Do you want to satisfy your curiosity,
briefly, and then move on?
The last question is very important. If all
you want to do is satisfy your curiosity,
you could cause more pain than if you never
established contact. If the medical or genetic
information is important to you, but an actual
relationship is not, perhaps you should arrange
for a third party or the adoption agency to
obtain that for you. The literature on searching
indicates that once birth relatives are found,
they want to stay in touch. Therefore, think
through very carefully how much contact you
might or might not want to have with the found
person over time. If you think you might be
willing to stay in touch and maintain the
relationship, expect some rough spots along
the way. This is new territory for both of
you. It might take a couple of years of living
through birthdays, holidays, and Mothers'
Days or Fathers' Days together before you
find a level of contact or participation in
each others' lives that feels comfortable.
When you conduct a search, the information
you acquire may be positive or negative. If
you are able to meet your birth relatives,
they may be thrilled to know you or less than
welcoming. You must be prepared for things
to go either way. However, most searchers
say that knowing as much as possible about
their birth relatives provides a feeling of
closure and satisfaction that cannot be duplicated.
Good or bad, knowing your history or the outcome
of your earlier actions hopefully will be
helpful to you. Maybe if you learn only one
crucial piece of information, it will be enough
to give you a peace of mind that you did not
have before the search.
Remember, a decision not to search is absolutely
fine. However, if you decide to take the risk,
may it be an enlightening and rewarding journey
for you. If NAIC can help you in any way (see
box below), please call or write again.
*Adoptee
Liberty Movement Association (ALMA)
P.O. Box 727, Radio City Station
New York, NY 10101-0727
(212) 581-1568
Adoption Search National Hotline & Reunion
Registry
P.O. Box 100444
Palm Bay, FL 32910
(407) 768-2222
*American
Adoption Congress (AAC)
1000 Connecticut Ave., N.W., Suite 9
Washington, D.C. 20036
(202) 483-3399
National Organization for Birthfathers &
Adoption Reform (NOBAR)
3821 Tamiami Trail, #301
Port Charlotte, FL 33752
(941) 637-7477
Birthparent Connection
P.O. Box 230643
Encinitas, CA 92023-0643
(619) 753-8288
*Concerned United Birthparents (CUB)
2000 Walker St.
Des Moines, IA 50317
(800) 822-2777 or (515) 263-9558
*Council
for Equal Rights in Adoption
401 East 74th St., Suite 17D
New York, NY 10021
(212) 988-0110
International
Soundex Reunion Registry
P.O. Box 2312
Carson City, NV 89702
(775) 882-7755
National Adoption Registry
6800 Elmwood Ave.
Kansas City, MO 64132-9963
(816) 361-1627 or (800) 875-4347
Re-Unite
P.O. Box 7945
Aspen, CO 81612
(303) 927-2400
Foreign Search/Support
Adoptees (Irish-born Americans) Search
c/o Catherine O'Dea
18460 Bishop Lane
Strongsville, OH 44136
(216) 238-1004
ALMA - England
P.O. Box 10
Rainham Essex
UK RM13 8JZ
0708 55 6961
Overseas Adoption Helpline
First Floor, 34 Upper Street
London N1 OPN
UK
Birthlink
Family Care
21 Castle Street
Edinburgh EH2 3DN
Scotland
31 225 6441
*These national organizations may be able
to refer you to local organizations near you.
Newsletters
Birth Mothers of Minors (B.M.O.M.S.)
Cherokee Station
P.O. Box 20510
New York, NY 10021
(212) 532-4104
Birthparents Today
3423 Blue Rock
Cincinnati, OH 45239
(513) 741-0929
CUB Communicator
Concerned United Birthparents (CUB)
2000 Walker St.
Des Moines, IA 50317
(800) 822-2777 or (515) 263-9558
The Decree
American
Adoption Congress
1000 Connecticut Ave., N.W., Suite 9
Washington, DC 20036
(202) 483-3399
Geborener Deutscher
805 Alvarado Dr. N.E.
Albuquerque, NM 87108
(505) 268-1310
On the Vine
Sweet Pea Press
P.O. Box 1852
Appleton, WI 54913-1852
Open Adoption Birthparent
721 Hawthorne St.
Royal Oak, MI 48067
(810) 543-0997
Magazines
Adoptive Families
Adoptive Families of America
3333 Highway 100 North
Minneapolis, MN 55422
(612) 535-4829
Pact Press
3315 Sacramento St., Ste. 239
San Francisco, CA 94118
(415) 221-6957
People Searching News
P.O. Box 100444
Palm Bay, FL 32910-0444
(407) 768-2222
Reunions, The Magazine
P.O. Box 11727
Milwaukee, WI 53211-1727
(414) 263-4567
Roots
and Wings
c/o Cynthia Peck
30 Endicott Dr.
Great Meadows, NJ 07838
(908) 637-8828
Computer Networks
AdoptioNetwork
2312 N. Wakefield
Arlington, VA 22207
(202) 755-7420 or (703) 803-5355
America Online
8619 Westwood Center Dr.
Vienna, VA 22182-2285
(800) 827-6364 or (703) 893-6288
CompuServe
5000 Arlington Centre Blvd.
P.O. Box 20212
Columbus, OH 43220
(800) 487-8990
Prodigy
P.O. Box 8129
Gray, TN 37615
(800) PRO-DIGY [(800) 776-3449]
On the Internet
Mailing Lists
Triad (Adoptive Parents, Birthparents, Adoptees)
Contact: owner-adoption@
listserv.law.cornell.edu
- Birthmothers (ONLY) Contact: nadir@acca.nmsu.edu
- Birthparents
To subscribe send E-mail: LISTSERV@indycms.iupui.edu
Type in body of text
SUB BRTHPRNT
firstname lastname
Adoptees (ONLY)
Contact: hartung@crl.ucsd.edu
Newsgroups
General Discussion: alt.adoption
Persons Interested in Adoption: alt.adoption.agency
Andersen, Robert S. The Nature of Adoptee
Search: Adventure, Cure or Growth? Child
Welfare, v58 n6, Nov-Dec 1989, pp. 623-
632.
Anderson, Carole J. Thoughts for Birth
Parents Newly Considering Search. Des
Moines, IA: Concerned United Birthparents,
1987.
Anderson, Carole J. Thoughts to Consider
for Newly Searching Adoptees. Des Moines,
IA: Concerned United Birthparents, 1987.
Askin, Jayne with Molly Davis. Search:
A Handbook for Adoptees and Birth Parents,
3nd Edition. Phoenix, AZ: Oryx Press,
1992.
Auth, Patricia J. and Shirley Zaret. The
Search in Adoption: A Service and A Process.
Social Casework, v67 n9, Nov 1986,
pp. 560-568.
Campbell, Lee H. et al. Reunions Between
Adoptees and Birth Parents: The Adoptees'
Experience. Social Work, v36 n4, Jul
1991, pp. 329-335.
Carlson, Jone. The U.S.A. Search Resources
Directory. Ft. Lauderdale, FL: J.E. Carlson
& Associates, 1992.
Fisher, Florence. The
Search for Anna Fisher. New York:
Fawcett Crest Books, 1973.
Gonyo, Barbara and Kenneth W. Watson. Searching
in Adoption: For Most, the Decision to Search
Comes After a Long Process of Internal Struggle
and Ambivalence. Public Welfare, v46
n1, Win 1988, pp. 14-22.
Johnson, Richard S., Lt. Col. How
to Locate Anyone Who Is Or Has Ever Been in
the Military: Armed Forces Locator Directory.
Fort Sam Houston, TX: Military Information
Enterprises, 1990.
Klunder, Virgil L. Lifeline:
The Action Guide to Adoption Search.
Cape Coral, FL: Caradium Publishing, 1991.
Lifton, Betty Jean. Lost
and Found: The Adoption Experience.
New York: The Dial Press, 1988.
Musser, Sandra. I
Would Have Searched Forever. Cape
Coral, FL: Jan Publications, 1979.
Rillera, Mary Jo. The
Reunion Book. Volume I. Westminster,
CA: Triadoption Publications, 1991.
Rosenzweig-Smith, Janet. Factors Associated
with Successful Reunions of Adult Adoptees
and Biological Parents. Child Welfare,
v67 n5, Sep-Oct 1988, pp. 411-422.
Sachdev, Paul. Adoption Reunion and After:
A Study of the Search Process and Experience
of Adoptees. Child Welfare, v71 n1,
Jan-Feb 1992, pp. 53-68.
Silverman, Phyllis R. et al. Reunion Between
Adoptees and Birth Parents: The Birth Parents
Experience. Social Work, v33 n6, Nov-Dec
1988, pp. 524-528.
Strauss, Jean A. S. The
Great Adoptee Search Book. Worcester,
MA: Castle Rock Publishing Company, 1990.
For more information, contact the National
Adoption Information Clearinghouse at naic@calib.com.
